A good pun is its own reword.

A school decides to send their best punner, Me, to a punning contest. Evan sends in 10 puns , confident one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

two weevils lived on a biscuit. one grew famous and rich and became a celebrirty. the otherin comparison was puny and unknown-in fact the lesser of two weevils

a local decorater is paid 300quid to repaint the interior of the church. He is to CHEAP to spend it all on paint so he dilutes the paint with water. When he sees that the thined paint wont cover the walls he dilutes it further. He still needs more , so he decides to dilute the paint one more time. Just then a sound from the heavens booms: " Stop, Repaint and thin no more"

Why did the Mexican shoot his Wife?
Tequila!


Mahatma Ghandi had badly calloused feet, frail health and bad breath.in other words he was super calloused-fragile mystic with halistosis

When a son said that his ambition was to drive an army tank his father said 'I won't stand in your way'.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.


The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.


A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.


Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.