Ah Beng jokes

Courtesy of Uncle Steven

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

====
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

====
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

====
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

====
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Fisherman's Wharf at Taman Desa last night, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

====
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching ManU bungkus Locky Blu's Stoke City,what...'

====
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

====
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

====
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

====
Ah Beng in National Press Club and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

====
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

====
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

====
Ah Beng told his maid: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take umbrella and go.'

====
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Here ends the Ah Beng jokes....

May Day

Half and hour to May.

FAMILY GUY!

I have some other post i need to post.
Such as, Me Disecting a heart in Biology Class and My Teeth Extraction and my Miserableness.

BUT NOW.


FYI The greatest thing ever happened.
Praise the heavens.
FAMILY GUY is on starworld. 5.30 pm
FAMILY GUY


HHQHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


im so happy.

Tralalafafallalala DOoodat.

Did you hear the joke about the ocean?
it was too deep for me.

what did the sea say to the sand?
Nothing, it just waved.

How did the beach get wet?
The sea weed.

What washes up very small beaches?
Microwaves

What did Neptune ( Poseidon ) say when the oceans dried up?
I havent a notion.

A short psychic escaped prison. Newspaper headlines read : Short medium at Large.

Quote by Tim Vine
"Apparently one in five people in the world are chinese.And there are 5 people in my family so it must be one of them. so its either my mum or dad. Or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho Chun Chan. But I think its Colin."

A hundred dumb blondes are packed into a Railway carriage. One Blonde enters and says " HEY! the carriage next door is empty.
SO, they all get up and move...


OKAY i got this from my joke books.

BOOK TITLES.

A clifttop tragedy by Eileen Dover
At the North pole by I.C . Blast
At the South pole by Anne Tartic
Better Gardening by Anita Lawn
Carpet laying by Walter Wall
Diary of a bank robber by Hans Upp
Eating Garlic by Y.I. Malone
Dating period furniture by Anne Teak
How to be stupid by M.T. Head
Improve your memory by Ivor Gott
Lumberjacks by Tim Burr
Primary School by L.M. Entree

And many more


OKAY Now Dictionary definitions

Bulldozer - a sleepy cow
Fjord - a norwegian car
Grammer - a female grandparent
Inkling - a small pen
Denial - a river in egypt
Net - Holes tied together with string
Polygon - a dead parrot
Rugged -seated on a mat
Zeal - an enthusiastic sea mammal


Thats all for today

Rar.

I have a new TV schedule.

Monday - "My wife and kids", "8 simple rules" and " 2 and a half men"
Tuesday - " " Eureka" " Terminator the Sarah Connor Chronicles"

Thats about it.

Aside from that, i found out some wicked awesome game.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassin_%28game%29

Note : Its not a video game. Sounds cool.

Boom.

I have Add math homework now..

RAR.

Lets end with a joke.

You mommas football knowledge.

" " Your momma so stupid, she thinks a quarter back i s a refund."

Once Again. Forcefully.

The 27th of March.

- wow, time passed fast.

So, as i have not posted for quite a bit and am unlikely to post in quite a bit due to my extreme - erm, lets not call it lazyness. More of a erm.. unwillin- no, reluctan- well, maybe just plain lazy.

Well, im starting to get the Lazy Urge right now and abandon this post, so if it is cut short in any way, well, ... my erm... blogger failed to work.... yeah.. lets go with that.



so,
i think ill do a huge , well larger than ordinary post today to make up for the dozens i have skived off doing.

Top off,

Im finding this html, really really tedious. stupid thing.

Anyhow, I saw the Formula One this year.
Was Awesome..



which rhymes with some....


Anyhows, it was fantasticly loud with dozens, no Tens, wait a second, dozens is more than tens.

HUNDREDS!, NO THOUSands, well not " no thousands," , more like NO, pause. , THOUSands. with the " no, pause" effect.

more like tens of thousands. of people.
Other people.


Anyhow, i could not make out much of the cars aside from the red feraris which won. They were too loud.
But, i thought it was marvelous, just like the movies about nascar in America. with the loud noises, thousands of people, helicopters flying about, everything making horrendous noise. Lovely.

Anyhow, i like using anyhow.


Anyhow, IT was utter chaos though, in some areas like the parking tickets,
the bloody losers kept us waiting in a line for an hour to tell us there were no more tickets , and they didnt even put a sign up to tell the others, so dozens of others were still queue for no reason.

And.,,,... they sold the tickets ten miles away ..



right,.. im tired of ferari. i mean F 1.

Lets go on.

Now... what have i done so far.

Well, its Easter Hols now.


I have done. well not much this week.


I did play a lot of XBOX.
i forgot to mention.
I have recently got an xbox, which i adore, with HALO 3 , gears of war and ASSASSINS creed.
Awesome.
which rhymes with some . <- ( partly cause some is in aweSOME <- point in time where you go " No kidding..")


Erm, i took part in this WW2 board game tourny last weekend.
Its called Flames of war.
I was a British Paratrooper Company.

an AMAZING thing happened!

I didnt get last place.! well close to last but NOT last.!
Top place was a british armoured division, followed by a german panzer division and a US para company.

If only i had more tanks.


Erm,Well i have seen a whole bunch of movies recently.

Meet the spartans, is,
incredibly,
stupid.

yet funny.
yet not as bad as the epic movie.


i watched lions for lambs once again.
Good political show.

I watched the 2006 film of As you like it. So much simpler than what we do in school, we should study shakespeare movies instead of of shakespeare dramas.
Good show. Weird Shakespearean English.

I watched Enchanted.
GOOD show . Really good show.
I love disney.

Well, i think i have spun on for quite a bit now about uselessness.
Bye.

BLuE

BluE . The Colour Blue is a colour. which means it is colourfull. in a sense. Isnt that lovely? But blue, looks like a nice colour. Erm... it looks like green without the yellow. I like the colour blue. Most people do.
Just for your information, blue isnt anything like Red. or Orange,Yellow or Purple. Well, maybe a bit of yellow and purple. Well maybe. Sorta. depends on you really.

Well now, you see, blue is pronouced as Ber-Loo-ooo. Which could be shortened to "Blu". Or "Bloo". Or " The colour which isnt another colour but is green divided by yellow.". Personally, i find the latter a bit of a mouthful. So, as from now onwards, i will call blue, blu. I like Blu.

Many things are blue. i mean blu. This is because people call none blu things blu. Like the first git who painted the sea blu when it is actually transparent. he should have just shoved some water on the canvas and said. Water.

Im not making sense but ill continue later.